Driven to Insanity
by Ziva Islesxx
Summary: When a victim of a murder is found with cuts on her body, Nell feels a close connection. Bad summary (SORRYYYY) better story. WARNING: DOES CONTAIN SELF HARM. Rated M for self harm but other than that I would rate it a T. NERIC IN LATER CHAPTERS!
1. Chapter 1

**~Hey guys! So I came up with this idea for a fic because I haven't really done a Nell centric fic, much less a Neric fic and I feel it is time. Touchy subject I know. I made sure the rating was an M because the last time I wrote something of this content I rated it as a T and removed the story and banned me for 3 days or something. All because I gave it the wrong rating apparently. Anyway, rant over, here's the first chapter. Also Nell may seem a little out of character~**

Chapter 1

Nell sat in Ops as she listened to the quietness that surrounded her. She the only one inside the building at this early hour, not that she needed to be in. She just sat on her computer chair, staring blankly into space for about an hour.

After that hour she began to hear chatter downstairs as more and more workers filed in to their desks, one of which of course being Eric.

"You're in early," he exclaimed, sitting down on the chair next to her.

"Yep," she said, typing something into the computer.

"Any reason why?" he pondered.

"Nope."

The one word answers were beginning to concern Eric, but he let it slide for now as he thought Nell maybe just needed some space.

"We have got a case," Hetty said, as if appearing out of thin air.

Eric stood up. "I'll call the others," he said, walking out of ops.  
Nell heard him whistle downstairs to the four agents while Hetty wandered around the ops centre. She heard the four agents walk upstairs, talking about some irrelevant point as usual. Nell wasn't really listening, but what she did pick up was that Monty had chewed up some of Sam's paperwork and he was not the least bit amused.

"The victim was found dead at approximately 5:35 am," Eric started, "We don't have an ID yet but I have found out something that has possibly lead to her death."

The agents looked as he tapped the screen several times. He zoomed up on the body, as he did, Nell's face turned a ghostly shade of white. The others however did not notice, just as they did not notice anything on the body.

"I don't see what you're talking about Eric," Callen said, confused.

"Look closer at the legs and wrists," he said, zooming in further.

"Cuts? Couldn't they be from a fight?" Deeks asked.

"No, judging by the lines and old scarring, these are self-inflicted. The cuts on her wrists are older, possibly from teenage years, a lot fainter. The cuts however on her leg are much more recent."

"What's the address," Callen asked, him and his team taken aback.

"Riverside drive, number 2," Eric said as the agents and Hetty left. He turned around to face Nell, whose face was still pale.

"Nell, are you okay?!" he asked, quite worried.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine…just…" she said almost in a whisper.

"Just what?" he said quietly.

She was going to answer, but felt the tears in her eyes. She got up and left the ops centre, leaving Eric confused.

"Nell?" he said, but she just kept walking to the nearest restroom. The tears were now roaming free as they trickled down her face.

She opened a cubicle door, sat down and locked it. Her sobs were quiet, but not non-existent. She wiped her eyes with some toilet paper from the roll next to her as she rolled up her cardigan sleeves. Old scars from her teenage years were set there in her skin, almost serving as a reminder of how much suffering she went through. They were fading, but were not gone.

She quickly rolled her sleeves down, shuddering at the thought of telling anyone. Or anyone finding her body in her home with all the cuts on it.

After walking out of the toilets and back down to the Ops centre, she sat in her seat next to Eric, praying that he wouldn't ask her anything to do with her disappearance.

The day went by without anyone asking her what had been wrong, which was somewhat a relief.

The victim was revealed as Lieutenant Mary Davidson, but not much else had happened case wise. Everyone left, all to go home for some relaxation after a long day. Nell went home, just to try and put what happened today out of her head. But it stayed there, with memories of her teenage years being the main thing on her mind.

**~How was that? As I have said, NEVER wrote a fic with Nell as a main character before but if people like this, it could turn into a regular thing. If you did like this, or even if you didn't, please review :D. And if you are interested I have accounts on Twitter, YouTube and Wattpad you should follow and subscribe. Details are in my profile. Thanks again for reading, see you for the next chapter **


	2. Chapter 2

**~Hey guys. Okay. Sorry for making you wait SOOOOO long for an update. But I'm here now, and I hope to continue this. Chapter 2 is finally here. Also this has been inspired by the lyrics of a band called I Prevail~**

Chapter 2

Eric pounded on the door of Nell's apartment. He knew something serious was wrong with her, and he would be stupid to deny that he actually cared for his partner. He had tried sending her messages on Facebook, calling her cell and house phone, he swore he had even tried telepathy. But he knew himself that the only reason he would actually be able to talk to her would be to face the wilderness of Los Angeles' urban streets and talk to her face to face. Not over a Skype call where you can't express actions to show your emotions like a warm hug, actually in person.

After numerous attempts to get Nell to open up, Eric resorted to using the spare key. He cursed himself for letting himself in so abruptly but he knew he had to.

The tumbler clicked and he opened the door. He heard footsteps, and soon realized that it was Nell. She looked a mess, mascara smeared down her face, tights off her legs and now in the laundry, her fringe no longer framed her face but split and went anywhere and everywhere but where it was supposed to be. Her cardigan was off shoulder and the sleeves were uneven, one was rolled up and the other was too long.

"What do you want Eric?" she asked coldly as he took in how Nell looked at this current moment.

"What's wrong Nell?" Eric said, knowing it was a bad question.

"Nothing," she said, turning away from him.

"Nell, what's on your arm?" Eric asked, knowing all too well what it actually was.

"Nothing," she said angrily but quietly.

"Nell."

"Nothing you need to know okay?! Just leave me alone Eric!" She yelled. Eric was taken aback by Nell's anger; he had never seen her like that before.

"Okay," he said, "I'll leave."

Once Nell knew he was gone, she locked her door again, subsiding to her inner emotions.

She ran her finger along her wrist, still feeling the bumps on her arm from her old scarring. She looked at her legs, running her hand down her thigh where she had cut. It seemed like just yesterday that Nell was cutting. The thing is, it was.

When Nell started, she never counted on it being an addiction. She started with a pin badge, then worked her way up. She went from the blade in a sharpener to razors to a kitchen knife once. That was when her parents found out.

After the kitchen knife incident, where she had to be taken to hospital because of blood loss, her parents hid every sharp object in a locked cupboard. But that didn't stop her. She kept her own 'stash' of razors in her room. No one had suspected anything was wrong. That was, until today.

**~Thanks for reading, next chapters should be better. Reviews much appreciated~**


	3. Chapter 3

**~Hey guys. So, sorry (again) this took so long. Exams are pain. Also, I haven't seen NCIS LA in AGES! So, I wrote an NCIS fic (which I haven't done in a while) and it actually turned out okay. It's called Love, Lust and Liars if you want to check it out. I'm going to try and update this more often than I do as to be fair, it is appalling how long I leave between updates haha. So without further ado, here is chapter 3~**

Chapter 3

Eric felt guilty. Maybe seeing Nell wasn't the best thing for her right now. She just wanted time to herself. But he couldn't un see the former shell of a human he saw tonight. It wasn't Nell, or at least not the Nell he knew. Maybe this was the real Nell. The one she had tried to lock away when in public.

He just wanted to help. But she just wanted to push him away.

* * *

It had been half an hour since Eric had left and Nell was on the bathroom floor, blood pouring from fresh wounds. She sobbed: Eric had just discovered her deepest, darkest secret. And he wanted to help her. He cared enough to try and help. And what did she do? She pushed him away. Left him on the streets and mutilated her own body instead.

She grabbed a towel and pressed it against her leg, trying to clot the crimson liquid. She then proceeded to wash her face clean of mascara. After a swap from her skirt, top and cardigan combo to a long sleeved black pyjama top and grey bottoms. She looked at her phone to find 5 missed calls. One was Eric, but four were from Callen.

As she held her phone in her hand, it went off again. It was Callen. She answered it, dreading what he was calling for. Was someone hurt? Had someone been kidnapped? Or worse...

"Hi," she said in her most convincing 'I'm okay' voice.

"Hey Nell," he said to her kindly.

Then there was silence. All the worst possible scenario's filled her head. Had one of the team been hurt? Had Hetty resigned? Was Eric okay?

"Callen...what is it?" she asked.

"You alright Nell?" he asked. She knew something was up; this wasn't Callen's usual tone.

"Fine, you?" she replied.

"Yeah, I'm fine...are you sure?" he asked again.

"I'm sure," she said.

"Okay, if you're sure," he said, "Talk to you later."

He hung up the call, leaving Nell shell shocked. Had it really been that obvious that she was affected?

It seemed like no time until the received another call. She looked at the caller ID. Eric

"Hello?" she said shakily.

"Hi Nell..." he said, not knowing what to say.

"Eric...you have something to say and I want to know what it is," she said.

"What?" he lied, "Why would I have something to say?"

"You called me, remember. Spit it out."

"...Can I come over?" he stuttered

Nell thought about it. She felt since she pushed him away earlier, she owed it to him.

"Okay," she said quietly.

"Okay, I'll be there in 5," he said, hanging up the phone.

Nell rushed to her bathroom, hiding any evidence to suggest what she had done. She sat back in the lounge, praying he wouldn't bring it up.

She heard knocking at the door. Right on time. She opened the door and let Eric in. He sat on the couch, Nell plonking down beside him.

He held her hands in his. She looked up at him.

"Nell," he said.

"Yes."

"Your wrists...why?"

Nell looked away, guilt stricken. Guess the time for this conversation was going to have to be right now.

**~So that's that. Reviews appreciated. Thanks for sticking with this fic~**


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